I am always harping on about buying better and buying less, because I believe it’s the only sustainable way forward when it comes to well, anything, but in this case, style and fashion. That said, even I fall prey to either “wanting what she has” (whomever she happens to be at a specific time, and it’s usually someone with envious style, and yes I am constantly looking for inspiration from other women and men–it’s the editor in me), something that is “of the moment” but still teeters into that classic category so I feel I can justify it, or something that is wildly out of my comfort zone, because sometimes you think you want to be someone else for a moment.
How to avoid those traps? It’s not easy. In fact, today I am returning one of those types of items. I am not going to specify what it is, but it is expensive, falls into the “of the moment” category but is also something I’ve seen on some very chic women. This is the third and final time (!) I’ve bought and returned it. And I had to wait months for it this third time around, because it was sold out. I checked my Wish List on the site where they had it obsessively. I mean borderline ridiculous obsessive. Because of course once it was available, it sold out again immediately. I felt liked I won the prize when I managed to snag one again.
But I knew every time I put it on, it wasn’t me. I wanted it desperately to be, but for various reasons, it never made me feel amazing. Sure, every piece of clothing and accessory you put on can’t make you feel “wow”, but if you’re going to invest, it should. I wish I handled this better and not given in the third time. You’d think at my age and with my experience I would be more adept at ignoring the noise. Most of the time I am and now, more often than not, I am able to recognize it in time to remedy the situation (meaning return said item). As I continue to learn to live with less, how do I tune out the desire for the wrong things (and too many of them)?
- Make Wish Lists and Seasonal Clothing Lists. Each season, I create a list of the key items I want to wear and build a wardrobe around them. It is exactly like the Ultimate Packing List I talk about in my Wardrobe Project series. My list isn’t a bunch of new things, but mostly pieces I truly love, already have and can’t wait to wear again and then a few items I feel that I am missing. I will share my Spring List in a later post, but what’s missing from it right now are a good pair of black pants, some loafers and a navy sweater. Separate from this, you might have a Wish List. These can be long-term items you want, but that typically are expensive and/or hard to come by and therefore aren’t easily checked off. My Wish List included a classic black Chanel bag, which I now have. I don’t really have anything else on it, though some day it might include an Hermes Kelly and a couple pieces of jewelry. What you want to train yourself to do, is when you are about to make an iffy purchase, circle back to these lists and see if you should instead put that money towards checking off those items. Frankly, that said piece above would get me a lot closer to a Kelly bag, if I could just hold off for a while longer (and it might be a long while)–it would also more than pay for the black pants, loafers and navy sweater. All places where my money would be better spent.
- Stick (in a rather hardcore manner) to a Color Palette. I touched briefly on this in my last post, but really, the less all-over-the-place your wardrobe is when it comes to colors and styles, the more cohesive and sharper it becomes. Can you have the occasional wild piece? Of course. You can also exclusively wear floral prints. But create a repetitive palette and focus on certain silhouettes that make you look your best. All style icons stay narrowly focused in what they wear.
- Only Buy Iffy Items with a Return Policy. This one is self obvious, but if you’re unsure and you can’t return it, don’t buy it. Even if it’s a T-shirt. Stuff piles up. Plus, if you need to wean yourself off impulse shopping, return policies are key to helping get that under control.
- Forgive Yourself, Let it Go + Move On. We all make wardrobe mistakes. But don’t decide that because you bought something you don’t like or doesn’t work on you that you must keep it and wear it. Send it to a resale place. Give it to a friend. Donate it to charity. And if it’s one of those “but I spent so much money on it” items, well, lesson learned. Don’t beat yourself up about it, but next time try to be more conscious and thoughtful about what you bring into your life. Don’t hold onto things you don’t love, because there is someone else who will appreciate them. I remember Sarajane Hoare, a brilliant British stylist who worked for Bazaar under Liz Tilberis used to say any time someone was having a fashion fit over some Prada dress or the like, “It’s only frocks, for God’s sakes.” Amen.
Such a great post Jennifer. For me, the “noise” has become louder during lockdown, more time to listen to it, a distraction, maybe I’ll be different when I’m out in the world, etc. Everything you say is so true and helpful and I’m absolutely going to do another, (but this time) incredibly ruthless closet clean out, and get rid of items that also make me feel a sense of guilt, for my mistake in purchasing. So much to think about here…as it’s also a metaphor that applies to many areas of life.
That “noise” was deafening during lockdown but I was steadfast in my commitment to not add anything to my closet! I’m not going to beat myself up because it’s hard and we’re only human…
Great post! So reassuring that someone with your expertise can be pulled off course by the siren call of the magic item that will transform you and your wardrobe, only to find out, no.
Your guides on how to keep on track are invaluable, in particular, the wish lists and seasonal lists. I find these are a great guide to keeping it on track.
Thank you for sharing your insights and expertise.
Thank you for this post! I smiled because I’ve returned something I’ve ordered repeatedly, too, and it was refreshing to see someone admit to doing this. I’ve said eek to myself, imagining what the person processing the returns must be thinking, seeing an item come back from me yet again. (Or perhaps they don’t bat an eye.) Regardless, thanks for the post. Great tips and acknowledgement of this noise that besets us. I find that very interesting.
I appreciate your honesty Jennifer. You are so strong for returning an item three times. You needed to see that item one more time to realize it’s not for you. Figuring out why it didn’t work “sharpens” your style to coin one of my favorite sayings of yours. I love the process. And I’m no angel here! I bought about 10 items in the past month. Committed to giving 10 items away to charity. 👍🏻
I wish more style/fashion bloggers talked about this like you (outside of the trendier Capsule wardrobe and other minimalist methods). The only other one I know is the Un-Fancy blogger, Caroline Joy. Most style/fashion bloggers seem to have endlessly big closets, and I love that you acknowledge that isn’t feasible for most people.
I’ve taken the “pause” from normal commute/work/social life as a way to try to be more thoughtful about my wardrobe and purchases. I haven’t gotten rid of anything that I’m on the fence about — because I don’t want to make rash decisions during an abnormal time.
One thing I’ve really gotten into is the color palette idea and of being more thoughtful about choosing colors that work with my complexion and with my style. I’ve discovered I’m a Deep/Dark Autumn, which has become a big wake-up realization for me — I now understand why specific colors or shades don’t work for me, and why I’m more drawn to blacks, dark navy, and slate grays, as well as creams. Fortunately, most of the color options in the Deep/Dark Autumn category work well with each other, so that would help me stay in my color palette lane. I’ve had issues with getting a rich oxblood leather jacket and then running into all sorts of issues trying to make it work with my wardrobe.
Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful post, Jennifer!