Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was sitting in my sister’s home in California where my mom and I had landed hours earlier for her upcoming baby shower (her first, I am beyond thrilled) and we were talking about how you never know what someone is going through. I had been thinking of friends who recently dealt with very trying health ordeals both personally and within their immediate family–something most of us unfortunately have to face at some point. It isn’t always obvious when someone is struggling with something serious, because of this I’ve been making a more concerted effort to treat everyone with compassion.
The next day it happened to me. If you follow me on Instagram, you know that my husband, a doctor, checked himself into the ER at his hospital the following morning, having suffered a TIA (transient ischemic attack), a pre-cursor of a stroke. Luckily, the symptoms abated, he called me and I left CA 24 hours after I arrived to find him in the ICU, where he spent the next 9 days being monitored 24 hours a day and routinely tested (plus 2 more days out of the ICU). We are both very private people, and this is his story to tell in detail, but the basics are this was caused by an underlying condition, which is fairly rare, which he did not know he had, that can cause issues such as strokes etc. My husband loves science and learning and we will both find out everything there is to know so he can be properly treated going forward. Luckily because he is a doctor, he has close relationships with many specialists and a large network of friends and colleagues who are there to help.
I never imagined myself having to write a post like this. I also never thought I would share something which feels so deeply personal. But once I started, the outpouring of support and love was more uplifting than I imagined. I can be stoic (to the point of being ridiculously stubborn), but I now realize that suffering in silence negates the chance for friends to help you find strength.
I also never imagined after discussing the importance of being compassionate, cultivating close friendships and family connections, and treating others with kindness and love because one never knows….that a “you never know” event would happen to me. If the universe is trying to speak to me, I am listening. The only advice I can offer anyone is to cultivate compassion on a daily basis, because one day you may need all the energy and love you send out in the world to come back your way and help lift you up.
Oh my gosh Jennifer – I have not been on Instagram lately . I am very grateful for your post . Thank goodness you have your love and your strong minds to understand how to go forward together . Sending much love ,
My dear, you and your husband must be shaken to your core. It’s so shocking when the bad health roulette wheel stops and it is on you, especially if you feel that you have done all the right things. None of us are immune. We are all vulnerable. And there are real advantages to sharing. None of us are alone and in Africa there is a very important notion called Ubuntu. It’s worth practicing every day.
My best to you both.
Dear Jennifer, thank you for sharing your story with us. I cannot imagine what this must experience must have been like for you and your family. Your post reminds me how important it is that we learn to lean on others. I wish your husband a healthful and steady recovery.
So well-said. Thank you for sharing your experience ! I too come from a family in which you do not speak of your private struggles but I am learning that we need each other, we need community and compassion and support are there for you if you can open up to others and that possibility. Sending love to you, your husband & family X
You captured the feelings of surprise, uncertainty and hope so beautifully. Holding you both in my heart.
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity” – Pema Chodron
<3 <3 <3
I am a reader, not a friend, but am very touched by this post and by your Instagram posts. Telling personal stories and seeking compassion (even not overtly) are very difficult things for most of us to do and you’ve done it so beautifully. I send you and your husband best wishes for speedy healing and for uncovering the information about his condition that gives you peace.
A very thought-provoking post – thank you so much for opening up. It’s true that most of us are going to face a health crisis at some point – it’s simply a part of being human.
I suffer from terrible health anxiety, aka hypochondria, and I found both your words and the courage you and your husband are displaying, very comforting.
You point out something very important, Jennifer, necessary to building community with others, and that is depending upon one another. There’s a humility that’s required of us when we allow others to help. But, oh, the blessings we receive when we are shown that love. Blessings to you and the doc.
A very similar health occurrence happened to my husband when we were about your ages. Your whole journey has sort of brought up the traumatic feelings from that time. There was no social media then, and because we’re also private – we kept it from friends at the time. I’m not sure why? It’s almost as if a health crisis is a weakness or something? I’m so glad that you had the courage to share this and that you got so much support, and compassion. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness and health.